My neighbor, and friend, who has children of her own about my age gave me a call one evening. I can't tell you why she called, but I do remember that I was troubled with the normal day to day stresses of being a mother, daughter and wife. During our conversation I know I unloaded all my troubles on her.
I had a four year old, and an 18 month old baby who was not an easy baby and pregnant with my third. I can't remember the pretext to the advice, but I remember exactly where I stood and how overwhelmed I was feeling when she said, "Give it over to God, trust in him!"
I know she gave me those words without thinking about what an effect they would have on me even to this day, or maybe she knew. I got off the phone went to bed that night, and thought about her words.
The next morning and often for many days to follow when I would feel a wave of anxiety over take me, I would close my eyes tell myself to give it over to God, Trust in Him. It helped, when I actually stopped and trusted in God and gave him my burdens I felt a huge relief.
My third child arrived along with post partum depression. I continued to try to heed her advice, most days that was difficult. I cried, I ate, got fat, cried more, I was a mess. I had two toddlers one that didn't sleep well and a newborn. When knee deep in the trenches it's hard to stop and take a breath and give it all over.
We muddled through, and when I came out the other side I looked back. When I finally let go and gave my worry and troubles over the sun began to shine.
Fast forward several years...
I just found out I'm pregnant with not my fourth child but my fifth. Number 4 was four years old, slated to start kindergarten the next fall. I was about to enter a new stage in my life, and felt as if the door that was opening had slammed right back in my face. Back to diapers, diaper bags, up all night, breast feeding, oh and four other kids who needed my attention. I didn't want any part of it! I cried and cried, I pulled myself back socially, it was not a happy time expecting a baby. For crying out loud this wasn't my first rodeo. I knew what was coming down the road, I knew a new baby wasn't all roses in sunshine. Sometimes it's messy and ugly! At night I prayed and prayed and cried and cried for God to help me find a way to handle all of this and be a good mother.
My own sister feared for me, she was pretty sure I was headed for another round of post partum depression. I probably would have had I not been able to look at that beautiful wonderful child on the day of her birth and recognize all she held for this family. She had already even before she was born made me a stronger more confident mother.
On the way into the hospital to deliver my third daughter I remember sitting in the car, balling my eyes out, trying to get control of my emotions. My husband looked at me and asked what was wrong, I cried and said, "When I walk out of that building I will have another baby" I was scared to death to get another difficult baby along with the two toddlers I had. 6 years later...and I had survived that one plus one more.
In the car on the way to the hospital to deliver #5 I was way more at piece, I had learned to give my worries over to God and trust in Him. He has yet to fail me!
I had to pull out this piece of advice this morning as I have on many occasions, (I'm not pregnant again, lol) I took a deep breath, took all of things I am stressing about and put them in His hands. He's got this! I know, he'll help me handle it all.
I forget sometimes in the moment that I need to trust, I forget sometimes to be patient, sometimes I forget to listen. All I have to do is sit back and look at my many blessings, all 5 of them, my wonderful family and friends to be reminded that I am truly blessed, God is Great!
