Wheezing Pachyderms

I so effortlessly managed to eat my way into my “Winter Pants” during Christmas, so I sucked it up and on New Year’s Day I stepped on the scale.  Without naming any numbers, let’s just say it was WAY WORSE than I thought.  I was beside myself, I knew I had put on a few pounds, but had no idea that it was that bad!

Due to eating my willpower along with everything else I could get my sticky little hands on, I decided I would make a few New Year’s resolutions.  I sometimes do very well making resolutions and sticking to them.  I do my book work the old fashioned way in a ledger, and then enter it into the computer for taxes.  The year RJ was born I would do my monthly ledger every month, but then waited until tax time to enter it all into the computer.  It was brutal!  So last year’s resolution was to enter all my bookwork into the computer at the end of the month.  I did really well.  It was wonderful to not have to start from ground zero for taxes this year.  So hopefully I was faithful enough to have made that resolution a habit.

So this year I want to lose all the weight I gained from June until January, but more importantly my resolution is to just be more conscience of what I eat, and make an honest effort to move more.  The most difficult part about this resolution is the being patient, just because I ate on this weight in what seemed like a matter of days doesn’t mean it will come off that way.

So the first step to my resolution: Watch what I eat.  Of course I had been doing this.  I watched my hand put food in my mouth over and over again and the little voice in my head that is supposed to say STOP must have been on vacation somewhere.  Since New Year’s Day I have been trying to be more conscientious of what goes in my body, it is just so hard!  The Husband could eat breaded cheese balls, a cheeseburger and have ice cream afterwards every day and still keep his youthful figure.  Me, I just smell it cooking and lick the spoon we used to scoop the ice cream and gain 5lbs.  It’s really not very fair.  I made lunch for the 3 of us, RJ, The Husband and I last week.  I made jalapeno poppers and corn dogs for the two of them, and I had a grilled chicken breast and asparagus.  I know for a fact I had not only the healthier meal, but also just a better meal.  Yet I sat and drooled over the jalapeno poppers and corn dogs as if they were having a gourmet meal and I was eating dog food.  The ironic part of it is I don’t even like corn dogs.  It’s just the idea that I wasn’t supposed to be eating them.

Then there is the whole exercise part of the resolution.  After I had BR I was very dedicated to walking on the treadmill.  I worked at it, and it was just part of my day, I made it important and made a point to make time for it.  For the Labor Day celebration one summer our town held a triathlon.  We could compete in teams or individually.  I swim like a rock, so we put together team and actually competed in the triathlon. We weren’t winners by any means. There were actual real athletes competing against all us redneck athletes.  It felt so good though! I love the way a good run makes you feel.  I was in the best shape I had probably been in since high school.

I was finally down to a size I was proud of, I felt good, and I was in good shape.  Next thing I know I am pregnant...again.  This is not the first time this has happened to me.  After I had TB I lost a bunch of weight and then got pregnant.  I’m beginning to see a pattern develop.  Maybe I shouldn’t be in such a hurry to take this weight off?  Now, RJ is 18 month old and I am nowhere even close to being in shape.  The only shape I am is round. 

This time around I am finding it very difficult to stick with the exercise.  I still like the feel after a good run on the treadmill, but I’m having a hard time doing it.  I use the term “run” very loosely. I imagine when most people picture somebody running for exercise they see a graceful marathon runner running towards a finish line.  In all actuality if somebody were to come in and catch me running I am sure it more closely resembles an elephant with asthma.  I plod along like an old plow horse on my super noisy treadmill while gasping for air.  It’s so bad that if the phone rings while I’m running, I won’t answer it.  Who wants to listen to me breathing hard long enough to catch my breath enough that words can come out?  So leave a message, I will call you back when I don’t sound like a balloon somebody is letting all the air out of. 

Then there is that damn Jillian Michaels.  My sister says “Oh yeah get a Jillian Michaels video, they’re great!”  Yes if you are willing to try to kill yourself while somebody tells you how you should be able to do jumping jacks because she knows 400lb people who do jumping jacks.  Well I may not be 400lbs but I have delivered 5 babies, and there are some things I just don’t do anymore, and definitely don’t do them unless I have an empty bladder.  I can’t even jump on a trampoline with the kids anymore, and jumping jacks aren’t a whole lot better.  When you watch those workout videos you kind of imagine to yourself that you look like they do. First you gracefully stretch down and touch your toes then walk out and do a push up then walk your hands back up until you are standing again, then repeat gracefully.  Ha Ha Ha.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good view of my toes let alone to bend down and touch them without pulling something.  Oh to be a fly on the wall, I probably look more like a bowling ball with legs rolling around on the floor fighting with some imaginary being.

Well I’m going to try to stick with it even though I look and sound like a wheezing pachyderm.  With any luck by summer I will be in shape or at least a different one.

The Wonders of Being One!

This is what I was greeted to when I got out of the shower today.  Not pictured, the one year old chewing on a tampon! 

I have 5 kids, I’ve been through 4 of them being toddlers, yet somehow I have forgotten how absolutely exhausting having a one year old can be.  There is a 5 year gap between the last two; I was completely done with diapers, terrible two’s and tyrannical 3 year olds.  Everybody could wipe their own butts, shower, and stay with me when shopping. Now I’m back to square one.

 I would almost prefer an infant to a busy one year old.  You turn your back for just a couple of minutes and they are dancing on top of a table!  I try to tell myself they are building important motor skills. Really? Come on, after falling off the chair or table two or three times I would’ve just given up. If nothing else they are tough and resilient.  I have seen those kids hit their heads or fall down, run into walls (and refrigerators, that was funny!) jump up and take off like nothing ever happened.  If I ran into a wall I would have to lick my wounds for a little while.

They love to climb, it’s the getting down that’s tough.  Once they’ve scaled to the very top of a bunk bed and then realized there is now where to go. They have 2 choices: 1. yell for help, or 2. fall.  Since they can’t talk yet and can’t yell for help, that leaves falling. I try to be diligent about shutting bedroom doors so they can’t get into bedrooms when I’m not looking, but I’m only human.  They are smarter than we give them credit for; it’s almost as if they lay in wait for us to slip up.  That, and they have the selective memory of an elephant I’ve decided.  As soon as she discovers that bedroom door has been left open, some magnetic attraction drawers her to that ladder, and says “climb me...again!”

Bouncy Balls!  I don’t even know how or where we obtained an infinite number of bouncy balls in this house.  It’s almost as if we have a bouncy ball fairy.  Every time I turn around, that kid has one in her mouth!  I throw them away when I find them, and before you know it she has another one.  I honestly have no idea who has the stash of bouncy balls or where they are stashed at, but seriously it’s ridiculous.

Another great skill a one year old possesses, the ability to clean out a cupboard or drawer in a matter of seconds.  This would be especially useful if I felt the need to clean the SAME cupboard every single day, maybe even 2 to 3 times a day.  This would be fine if she would pick one cupboard or one drawer and focus on that.  No, she’s not partial to any specific cupboard or drawer.  In the kitchen she loves to get out the plastic forks and spoons and scatter them across the kitchen floor until she finds the exact one she needs to pretend to eat imaginary food out of one of the 50 disposable cups she’s scattered around too.  As you can see above, the bathroom favorite is the pads and tampon drawer!  Not sure what pretend play that will lead to. And I can’t imagine a tampon would taste good enough to want to taste more than once, yet it seems to be a big hit!

They are also very fickle, what we liked today, we don’t like tomorrow.  Yesterday we had mandarin oranges for a snack, I thought (silly me) she might enjoy a handful of Teddy Grahams with the oranges.  Boy was I wrong, not today!  She got mad, scowled at me and picked every last one up and separated them from the orange slices on her tray and placed them in the cup holder.  I guess I won’t make that mistake again.  Heaven forbid we would eat oranges and Teddy grahams together. 

Since RJ has 4 big sisters, she has no need for words.  They do all the talking for her.  She grunts, signs or points and they seem to know exactly what she wants.  And if they are ticking her off, she screams.  If somebody is packing her off where she doesn’t want to go, no words needed, just screaming. 

Oh and the temper tantrums start already! For those of you who don’t have kids, and you thought this didn’t start till they were two or three, ha, ha, ha. NO.  One year olds have an extreme dislike for the word no, which usually leads to a temper tantrum.  I once had somebody recommend that instead of using the word no with toddlers you should use the words “Uh-Oh”.  Really?  Just because they don’t like to hear it and they will probably repeat it back often we shouldn’t say it to them?  They may hear it almost every 3 minutes, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t use it and they shouldn’t learn what it means.  No means No!

The first tantrum they throw they throw down where ever they are at.  Kitchen floor, carpeted living room, or pavement in the driveway, it doesn’t matter.  They are smart though, after the first few times they learn quickly to pick a soft surface to throw down on. The other day I took RJ out of her high chair and stood her on the linoleum in the dining room, she wanted to be picked up and held, but I had to fix hair and get everybody else ready for the bus.  She got mad, took one big side step made sure she was on the carpet in the living room and threw down!

Remotes and electronic devices are not safe either.  I remember BR having a small obsession with remotes as well.  I was making Christmas goodies in the kitchen and had my hands full of food.  BR had gotten a hold of the remote, and then she decided she should take off her diaper.  I yelled to the husband to hurry quickly and get her diaper back on.  I knew that this situation required immediate attention!  Dad did not, I had my hands full and couldn’t get to her fast enough, however dad wished he had seen the urgency.  Before either of us could get there she peed on the television remote.  Which I found ironic since that is dad’s favorite household appliance, and he wasn’t worried or watching her at all.  He quickly took it to the bathroom and dried it out with my hair dryer.  To his relief it worked again.    

I’m sure there are more things to come that I haven’t even thought of yet.  At this point though, not much would surprise me.

2 Choices...

I’ve been doing some thinking, which usually gets me in lots of trouble, but none the less hasn’t stopped me yet.  I was asked an interesting question, the other day, which has made me pause and think. 

I want to start out by saying my children are no angels, and by no means perfect.  And if anybody knows this to be true, it is me, their mother.  I have seen them at their best and I have seen them at their worst.  I will be the first to defend them and the first to put the smack down if they deserve it.  With that being said I will continue my story.

I was visiting at my sister’s house, and she had a friend visiting too.  After spending some time around my children and I she stopped me and said, “I want to ask you a question.  Your girls are all so well behaved, how do you do it?  Are you strict with them or do you beat them?”  First of all, I had to make sure we were talking about the same kids. ;) When I recovered from the shock of her question I stopped for a moment, for one, I take the beating part very seriously.  My father was pretty heavy handed, and that is something I never want my kids to experience.  Strict though, I guess you could say that, but it’s not like I make them raise their hands at supper table to talk.  However, next time the noise level at the kitchen table gets out of hand, that’s not a bad idea. 

I was flattered that she thought my kids were well behaved.  I see the worst, and they often “save” all the naughty up for me.  I wouldn’t have it any other way, I am their mother and there isn’t anything they could do that would make me love them any less, but because I love them it’s also my job to teach them.

After she asked me what I did to make my kids behave so well I started thinking about it.  I never really had given it much thought before.  I looked to my closest friends, who all have children who are close to the same age as mine, and I never thought our parenting styles were that different.  They have well behaved, respectful children, so I thought my parenting style was something that most people do.  What I’m learning is… maybe not. 

I know I wrote a blog post called Big Expectations.   I still hold true to that, if you expect a lot from your kids, you will get a lot in return.  Another important rule I have is consequences.  EVERYTHING you do in life has some sort of consequences.  My writing of this post might ruffles some feathers and the consequences might be I have some negative feedback to deal with.  It all depends on what you do, whether the consequences are good or bad.    You never outgrow consequences.  When you are two, your consequences may be time out, and when you’re 22, depending on your crime, your consequence may be jail. 

I took a parenting class several years back, the program was developed by a couple of yuppie dads.  I’m sure they had never raised their voice at their kids or ever lost it and went all “psycho mom” on their kids. These guys probably live in Colorado now that it is legal to smoke a joint there, because that’s the only way one could be that calm ALL of the time.  I mean if we are really going to be honest who hasn’t lost it a time or two, and if somebody says they haven’t, they’re a liar.

Back to the parenting class, I took one rule away from it, but put my own “Real Mom” twist on it.  I will share it with you; this rule applies to almost any situation and any age.   We call it at our house, “You have two choices…” 

I’ll give you an example.  The four year old is expressing their independence and has decided that no matter what you say plead or beg they are not putting clothes on to go to school today.  That’s fine.  Very CALMLY, (because at this point he/she has done this every morning for the last week) explain to them in 15 minutes you are leaving this house, and he/she has two choices.  1. Get dressed and be ready to leave like the rest of the family.  2. Go naked or in pajamas, you don’t care.  And YOU DON’T CARE!! Really you can’t care.  When the 15 minutes are up, you go! No arguing, no talking, and absolutely no bargaining or begging.  If they aren’t dressed you pick them up and take them just like they are.  They will realize you are serious, and next time they will be dressed.  If not oh well! They just get to go in pajamas again.

They are free to make their choice, but also have to pay the consequence that is attached to that choice.  The key to making it work is making the consequence for not following the rules so bad that the choice to follow the rules looks pretty good.   And they must believe that you will follow through with the consequences for not following the rule or doing what is asked of them.

Another example: The teenager in the family wants to argue with you about chores they were asked to do that day.  That’s fine…arguing with their mother or father will get them nowhere as long as you give them choices, and follow through with the consequences for their choices.   I always start out with “You have two choices.  1.  Do what I ask without complaining and rolling your eyes or arguing. Or Choice 2, I take away all your electronic devices the rest of the week, and you can do the chores the rest of the month all by yourself.”   Then just for fun I would add, “I know what I would choose.”  Then follow through.

I’ve given my kids some pretty miserable consequences, they’ve scrubbed toilets with tooth brushes for potty mouths, scrubbed the kitchen floor on their hands and knees for lying, weeded the garden for fighting.  Whatever it is that they are doing, or not doing, the consequences must be absolutely miserable enough that they remember not to do it again!

I was watching TV while folding clothes today. They were interviewing a juror that was on a jury that convicted 3 young teenage boys for the death of their friend who was shot while they attempted to rob an older gentleman.  The 4 boys were bored and decided to attempt to rob somebody for “fun”.  The gentleman heard a noise in his house and armed himself, shooting and killing one boy and wounding another.  However, the three boys were sent to jail for the death of their friend, and what I found astonishing was, everybody wanted to blame the consequences of these boy’s actions on the gentleman whose house THEY had decided to rob.  If these boy’s had been taught the value of consequences at an early age, maybe one of them wouldn’t have been shot dead in the middle of a burglary.  Now they are paying a very hard and terrible consequence. 

I tell my girls all the time when they think they can hit each other because they are mad, when you grow up and get mad at somebody, and punch them, you go to JAIL.  There are consequences for every action, no matter your age, your sex, or race.  We all will be held accountable for our actions. You are not doing your children any favors by not teaching them that fact at a young age. 

Like I said I’m flattered, that somebody thought my children were well behaved. To answer the question, yes, I guess I am strict, and NO I don’t beat them.

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7 Rules To Make You Think

I had a friend recently post The Seven Rules for Life on her Facebook page.  And while I laid in bed tonight I couldn’t get them out of my head.  There are some I struggle with a lot, and a couple that I think I do alright at, and maybe one that I can honestly say I have conquered.

The first rule:  Make peace with your past so it won’t disturb your present.  I have had a lot of good things happen in my past, and a number of bad things.  Things I’ve had no control over, and things I wish I did have control over.  I’ve made mistakes and said things I wish I could take back.  I didn’t have the kind of childhood that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.  I don’t have many good memories of being a kid.  However, I think it is just in my nature to remember the bad.  I have a tendency to be a glass is half empty kinda girl sometimes.  Now as an adult, I think I’ve made peace with my past, and it is just that…my past.  We all make mistakes no sense dwelling on it.  I learned a lot of lessons from my past that make me who I am now.  I am sure I have many more lessons to learn, but dwelling on the mistakes doesn’t make them go away.

Rule #2: What other people think of you is none of your business.  Ok here is one I struggle with, sometimes.  I mean, come on, who doesn’t.  We all want to be liked, and it kind of bugs us to think there is somebody out there that doesn’t like us.  We want to know why, and fix it. Make them see us like we want to be seen.  Then there are times, when I honestly don’t care.  I am who I am and I make no bones about it.  You either like me or you don’t.  I suppose it all depends on who is doing the thinking or what it is they are thinking.  I honestly try not to care, but we all want to be liked for who we really are.

Rule #3: Time heals almost everything. Give it time.  The definition of healing is “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.”  Healing is a process, and sometimes that process is a long one, and sometimes it just doesn’t happen. It really just depends on how deep the wound is.   I do believe though in order to follow rule #1, sometimes rule #3 needs to be finished. 

Rule#4: No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.  This one I struggle with.  I have so much to be happy for and about.  I have a wonderful family.  I love my husband and my children, and wouldn’t trade having them in my life, but every once and a while I throw myself a great big old pity party.  I know I don’t have any reason at all to feel like I do.  I should count my many blessings, but once I get started it’s like a giant runaway train.  The more I think about it, the worse it gets, and then the more miserable I feel.  Which leads me to rule #6, but we will get to that in a minute.

Rule #5:  Don’t compare your life to others and don’t judge them, you have no idea what their journey is all about.  Now here is where it gets tough.  We, and I mean everybody, myself included would like to believe that we don’t judge people.  But I will be the first to admit, I have.  What is the old saying when you assume you make an ass out of U and Me?  I have made an ass out of myself a number of times.  We should never judge a book by its cover, we never know what other people may be struggling with, but hey we are only human.  I can only hope that when given the opportunity, I do better next time.

Rule #6:  Stop thinking too much.  It’s alright not to know the answers.  They will come to you when you least expect it.  And here is probably my biggest downfall!  I am a thinker, I over think everything!  I think things to death.  It doesn’t matter what it is, it could be as simple as the shirt on the clearance rack all the way to something as important as taxes.  It doesn’t matter what it is I will over think it.  I have a tendency to really over think things people say or do.  In fact this has been my problem for the past four days (combined with the fact that I haven’t had chocolate for the past 4 days).  I have been in a rather foul mood because of a phone call I had, which got me thinking, which led to me thinking about 400 other things that made me grumpy.  Which has gotten me nowhere but being grumpy, which has led to headaches and insomnia.  You’ve heard the expression “like water of a ducks back.”  Well this duck tries to let it roll off her back, but eventually I’m standing in a puddle and it’s either sink or swim, but first I’ll have to over think it.

Rule#7: Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.  Well isn’t that the truth.  It’s amazing how contagious a smile can be.  Think about babies, and how no matter how bad your day is, if a baby smiles at you it warms you right up from the inside out.  It’s amazing how a little smile, some laughter or compliment can not only make our day a little brighter, it can make somebody else’s day a little brighter too.  We might not own all the world’s problems but maybe we could make them better if we smiled more often.

Just thought I would share my thoughts, I was lying in bed thinking, and just getting grumpier and I was reminded of these rules I read.  They hit home for me, just a little something to think about.  Just what I need…more to think about!  ;)