Big Expectations

I had a conversation with my sister a couple days ago.  Since then I can’t get this out of my head, I will share my thoughts with all of you.  These are my thoughts and opinions and I realize some might not agree, but I’m about to tell it how I see it.  If any of you know ME very well at all, I have lots of opinions, but that’s just it, they are my opinions.   I don’t expect everybody to agree with them.

So the conversation started about what we expect from our kids.  I’ve been told that I expect a lot from mine, but I never thought what I expect is a lot.  I expect my kids to be respectful to adults, to behave in a polite and kind manner.  I expect them to be responsible for themselves and their things.  I also expect them to understand that when we are in public (Wal-Mart, Doctors’ offices etc.)  I expect them to behave differently than we would outside on the playground. I expect them to be honest and trust worthy.  I also expect them to treat others how they would like to be treated. These of course are just the tip of the iceberg.  I could go on, but you get the drift. 

I also expect they are going to slip up.  They are children.  And honestly they have slipped up.  (This is where I get on my soap box now!)  And I am their mother NOT their friend.  My job is to show them where they slipped up and give them a consequence for their behavior.  My job is to raise them into honest, responsible people in the community.  Don’t get me wrong, we have times when we sit down and have one on one mom talks.  My girls know the door is always open to talk to me about things, and we do. 

I don’t believe you should give in and not discipline or not have consequences for bad behavior, just to keep peace.  Yes, I will agree it is no fun to have a screaming 3yr old in Wal-Mart.  I’ve been there and usually with 2 or 3 in tow, and all by myself.  You CAN discipline your children in Wal-Mart.  Lay it out to them before you walk in the door.  I expect this from you, and the consequences for not following the rules are…  Then you just have to follow through!  (Wal-Mart has corners and folding chairs to sit on if you need a place for time-outs, most bathrooms have benches so you can have a seat if it’s going to be a long one!)  And honestly if anybody is judging you about your 3yr olds tantrum, should you really care? NO!  If they are judging you they’ve either forgotten what it is like to have a 3yr old whose sole purpose in life is to be the family tyrant, or they’ve never had children.  It’s your job to be their parent, not their friend and give in to their every whim.  I understand stopping in the middle of a shopping trip for a time-out is a giant pain in the rear.  Personally I would rather nip it in the butt right then.  Then next time we go shopping everybody is aware that mom means what she says! 

When TB was 3yrs old she was terrible!  If you said blue she said green, if you said up she said down.  She was exasperating.  I don’t know how many times that kid told me she didn’t love me anymore.  She didn’t want to get dressed one day and offered to pay me $10,000 to do it for her.  We still go around on occasion, but I have stood my ground and been the bad guy often enough that our locking of horns isn’t so often and not to the death anymore.  She knows I mean business, and I am the mom, I am the one who makes and enforces the rules.

My kids even surprise themselves from time to time.  Doctors’ appointments and shopping are even less fun for them than they are for me.  Sitting quiet and still is not something natural for a child and they know it better than we do.

On a trip to town, we made our monthly trip to Wal-Mart and as usual we had a big list.  Wal-Mart trips take a good amount of time.  So as usual before we get out of the car, I spell it out to them.  Keep your hands to yourself, if you don’t have money to pay for it don’t touch it, no running, yelling, fighting, you stay with me and where I can see you at all times etc. etc.  So we head in, and for the most part I have to say they were very well behaved considering how much fun shopping at Wal-Mart can be.  As we are headed out to the car me pushing one cart and pulling another with 5 kids following.  I tell them how I think things went pretty well, and how they were all very big helpers.  KJ looks at me and says, “Yeah, It actually did go pretty good!”   She was even surprised by how well they could behave.

People would be surprised by how much their children want to live up to your expectations. Expect big things from your kids and your kids will surprise you, they will even surprise themselves.  But don’t forget they are kids and they will slip up too!  You just have to be there to get them back on track.  Even if that means not being the most popular person in the room, they will thank you when they are old enough to realize you were just doing your job.  At least that’s what I hope!!